Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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