jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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