This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
