Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
