i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
