I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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