Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How does it feel to date your dad?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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