the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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