Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
