im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
