didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think my moral compass just broke
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
