New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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