Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
