He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
