??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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