I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize