Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
