do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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