the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
