Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
