the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
