is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All the doctor said was why
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
