chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
