went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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