i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
