Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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