I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
