Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How does one acquire holy water?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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