pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
