My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
