Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize