I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
