You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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