jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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