escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
