i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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