Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize