Welp...herpes.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
