just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
