I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
