you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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