they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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