I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
