gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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