I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
