kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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