the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
