it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
