my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
