Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
