you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize