Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
