i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
