even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
