After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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