I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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