Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You were trust falling into bushes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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