my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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