Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
