By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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