I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize