his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
