i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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