wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
