Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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