Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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