There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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