my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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