I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
ttyl tear gas
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
