i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
