If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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