i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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