I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So apparently I’m into choking now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize