You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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