he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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