Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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