he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
