i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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