pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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