You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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