just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
