I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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