the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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