Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
