If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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