I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
