She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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