Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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