he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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