I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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