making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
