Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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